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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside