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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
I put the pro in inappropriate.
*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.