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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.