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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.