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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.