Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.