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Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.