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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.