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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.