Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."