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What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do