Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
More people should be at a loss for words.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.