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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Can I get likes for no reason?