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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.