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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Velcro is a ripoff
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
Carfax but for people
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.