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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.