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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?