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3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.