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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)