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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.