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I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)