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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Save time. See it my way.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.