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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.