Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."