Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.