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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?