Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.