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I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
lol I rotfl
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
I think Iām allergic to mornings.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants