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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.