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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Don’t jump to confusions.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
The less you know, the more you think you do.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about