Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"