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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.