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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."