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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
If by β€œclubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Just wrote β€˜You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Warning: I just get weirder.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood β€˜Awake’
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.