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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?