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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Don’t jump to confusions.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.