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Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.