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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Check this one out.........1
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?