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People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.