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Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
Good for you, people that do things.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.