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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.