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“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
is battling with eyelids
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.