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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)