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I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Hello...
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.