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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second