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someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.