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I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
I just threw up my weekend.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.