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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.