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Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Please do not read this.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.