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I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.