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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day