Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?