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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.