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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
I just ran a .003048K
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.