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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.