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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.