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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.