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If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.