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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
I flunked anger management class.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.