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The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!