Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".