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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.