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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.