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I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling