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I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.